Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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