I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
