I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
