the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
