I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
