I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
