Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
