I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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