If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
