I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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