dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
