Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize