Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
