you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
