sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
