I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
