The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
