You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
