One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
