Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
