I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
