if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
