I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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