i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im having a threesome with these popsicles
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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