there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize