I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
