Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
