great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
