What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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