Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you win again, gameday.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
