her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
