now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
