He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
