i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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