I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it glows. i had to have it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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