we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I understand Curling. That high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
