Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
