Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
