New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
