i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
