shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
