I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
