its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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