i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
