His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
