I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
