they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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