And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
