So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
