DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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