you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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