Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I understand Curling. That high.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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