I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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