6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
