I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
