you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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