There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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