you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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