Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
