i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
