better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
