I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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