I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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