The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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