I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
