you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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