I bet he comes in French.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
