Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
