he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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