I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
